14 years...

"14 difficult & incredibly beautiful years that I would have missed
by Alexander Liedtke
The following highlights are only partially arranged chronologically.
I have completed my degree (state examination) in medicine!
I have fathered the most wonderful daughter in the world!
I lived in Paris for half a year and worked in child and adolescent psychiatry.
I had the privilege of getting to know some amazing kids there.
And at a party, I met a philosophy student with whom I subsequently had hours-long conversations.
Often, after my internship, I was so exhausted that I slept from the afternoon until the next morning.
I passionately kissed a Brazilian woman at a party - and got a severe case of tonsillitis.
I cured myself with the most delicious ice cream in the world (for me): Magnum Almond.
I spent many wonderful hours with my daughter's half-brother.
We traveled to the Mediterranean, to Provence.
I was overwhelmed by the full-time job as a doctor with night and weekend shifts.
I had great encounters with my patients in psychiatry.
I was fully hospitalized for the first time for 3 months.
I found a part-time position in blood donation and worked there for 4 years!
I spent hours falling onto the mattress in parallel with my daughter. Her laughter was simply infectious.
I wrote a children's book about depression.
I lay in bed so often without motivation.
I spent the summer on the beach in Lubmin and ate delicious ice cream.
I eventually had to give up my job as a doctor...
I was briefly self-employed as a photographer.
I took too many medications and briefly became psychotic.
I took great photos of the kids from my daughter's kindergarten.
I even had a small gallery and two solo exhibitions (alongside others).
Unfortunately, being a photographer didn't really work with my condition.
Fortunately, I received disability pension after being on unemployment benefits for 2 years.
I separated from my daughter's mother.
I moved into a new, wonderful apartment.
I built a huge playhouse for my daughter in occupational therapy.
My daughter started school.
We built snowmen together in the winter.
After much hesitation, I opted for ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy)... Unfortunately, it didn't help me...
Three years ago, I walked the Camino de Santiago for the first time, from Sevilla to Merida. Two beautiful, albeit challenging weeks with lots of sun and a warm 20 degrees Celsius in December!
I tried therapy with ketamine infusions - unfortunately, without significant success.
I spent months repeatedly in day care (when will I finally get my own inventory number): So, I spent 1/3 of the last years in psychiatry...
I learned a lot in day care and met wonderful therapists and nurses.
I designed 100 cards with skills and mindfulness exercises and created 95 "Questions about Life".
I baked cookies with my daughter.
I cycled (with my tent) across Spain and Portugal!
I sent postcards with polar bears back home.
Unfortunately, towards the end of my journey, I became severely depressed again...
I started regularly taking long walks with the most wonderful friend in the world.
I discovered "Pizza Istanbul". A really delicious frozen pizza.
I made about 10 campfires in my garden.
I had 2 great premieres with my theater group.
My daughter learned to swim and dive.
I met the fantastic Jens from the theater ship and help him with public relations for his small theater.
I met a new fantastic therapist through Instagram, with whom I can truly open up.
I'm back on the Camino de Santiago, this time from Malaga, enjoying the spring-like temperatures in January!
Soon, I'll be leading a theater group in psychiatry (with improvisation exercises)!
I designed countless flyers and posters.
I made radio for children.
I took many great photos.
I wrote many Haikus.
I met many wonderful, special people in psychiatry. Some even became my friends.
I saw shooting stars burn out.
I was a clown in the hospital.
I watched many great movies.
And hosted great Couchsurfers at my place.
And listened to Harry Potter 5 times (!) from start to finish.
I discovered great music (especially Max Richter, Steve Reich, and Philip Glass).
I went dancing.
I spent hours apathetic in bed staring at the wall.
I learned to accept my bisexuality.
I learned a lot.
I started painting (although still too rarely).
I fell in love with the best coffee in the world for me: Espresso.
I enjoyed long walks in the winter through the snow.
Many mornings, I couldn't get out of bed.
I founded DepriBuddy. And through it, I could make a difference in people's lives, be a support to them.
Last year was so bad that I couldn't read emails for months (even though they piled up because of DepriBuddy).
I spent almost 3 months in day care again.
Finally, after about 8 failed attempts, we found the right adjustment for my "brain pacemaker".
I've been stable for 4 months.
The list could probably go on for a long time... these are just a few highlights of the last 14 years.
I often fought in the last 14 years, and sometimes, I didn't know how to find the strength to continue.
But then, eventually, new strength came.
And finally, after 30 years (!), I largely overcame my depression! (How? See this article)
Now, my heart beats (besides my daughter, of course) for DepriBuddy and the Life Box.
And in the summer, I'm flying to Iceland with my daughter!"